Convincedyet

The days’ reflection

Upon a discovery of self  I have discovered my worth in so many other ways than I had believed were in me. I have this amazing inner strength that just seems to be getting stronger and more durable. I had a huge break thru two nights ago when finally I got an opportunity to  get out of my heart the real reason I feel that nobody in my family understands what it must be like to want a family at my age and to be a women so desiring, yet I know through my walk with the Lord, He is changing me from Glory to Glory. I’m not the same as I once was. Praise the Lord. It came as such a relief and blessing that thru these unsighly season for me, that my own Mother said she was proud of me and could see the Lords maturity in me and my walk alongside him this affirmation was long overdue and I felt the Blessings!~  God has a way of touching  me to the very fiber of my being, like no other human being can and since I desire for this blog to be my journal to Him, I will say that I felt the words long before you began your discipline. I am here for a purpose. I have always been as you know Lord the constant disciple to you, yet I have been the doubting Thomas at times as well.  I know that I may not have always been the prime example of walking out my faith, but I believe in God’s mercy and grace. I believe in your redemption of peoples faith and their shame, into restoration. I hope that I have served you well, but I must confess upon reflection that I have hurt another one of your children. I have an amazing friend in Christ that I want n0thing more than to set right the record with and say, “I’m sorry”. I pray for that opportunity this year.

You know the situations dear Lord that are plaguing me. The love that I feel so empty without. Yet, I know that it begins with me loving you, ONLY YOU~! You desire that relationship with me and as I meditate on what  the pastor said to me today I must 1) Reflect on your faith and 2) Reflect on your Faith-fullness to me. You see, I must get it right this time. I have been at one lashing short of death, I have tested you till the 39th lashing. I don’t want to feel this sin, this death! I feel it’s time for a complete over-haul, the one that I made this move for the desire has been there for so long. I want to be set apart translated as Holy meaning as “set apart” I confess that the sin nature in me is what I refuse to allow to control me anylonger! PURITY!!!! Lord, I will do as you asked and begin the book you have placed on my heart   What title would you give it? I want the young women who struggle with the sin nature as I have for so long to be “set free”.

Hebrews 12 4:-7

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.’ Endure hardship as discipline.

This I pray will be the precursor of my books’ depth of soul search for young women.  I have this love that spans such a depth for young women, and have always. May I now focus my attention to you upon this new season of my life and in the new year of 2008.

You Christ have saved me! You saved me from myself. I know that I broke my vow to you. The broken vows of those crushed and suffering in a world of torment, its where a story ends to begin a new chapter. I don’t mind the beginning its always the end’s that make me sad. I’ve had a lot of “beginnings” and a lot of ends for that matter in the years I’ve breathed the air you wove together.  I am your daughter a child of the living God. It is Christ to whom I choose now to fall in love with not some ”wanderer” I choose now to finally say I’m throwing this ugly sin out of my life, untill I am whole again, in God’s eyes.  It is where my true worth and virute will flow from me.

The roots go down deep, so when the first storms of life come along those beautiful creatures are not uprooted, the same should go for us who are calling on God Almighty. Plant your roots deep child, so you too will stay place when the winds of life come upon you. I grow in your love.

The cross of calvary, it  bears repeating. It was your fleshing out your love for us, your praise song. It is where you took your last breathe for me. I know nothing of your thoughts, love, or pain. Im not sure you knew what you were doing it for, but I love you all the same. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing, you understood that moment when the dove desended upon you.

I dont have an insitefull descriptive word to fill the pages of this, out of my heart is a pouring of your spirit, your love, your desire to make me whole, the pressures of this ugly, wonderful world. I simply Love you Jesus…

Following you, with Reckless Abandon.

Chey

Happy New Year 2008